All Souls Day

Dear Ravi,

We celebrated you and all the saints and souls who have gone before you at church on Sunday evening. Joy had hung up pictures of all our parishioners and loved ones around the walls of the church. Your picture was on the right hand side of the church, or the eagle side as we say in TEC, near where I always sit. You were a few people up from my dear friend from EFM, Mary Fred. She also was treated for cancer at Mayo, which prolonged her life by two years, and then slipped away from us in hospice during the Covid shutdown. I imagine you and she are having a marvelous time in heaven. She is an amazing mom and advocate, and just a lot of fun.

The opening hymn on Sunday was I Sing a Song of the Saints of God. This was also the processional at your funeral. It has always been one of my favorite hymns, but hearing it now brings me to my knees. All Saints Day and All Souls Day are such a thin place. The veil between the living and the dead is feather thin on those days and flutters, letting us have peeks at each other. In my heart of hearts, I know that you are just on the other side of the veil, waiting for Daddy and me. After the service he and I went down to the chapel to visit you. Joy had lit a candle as a memorial for a baby who was born sleeping. Can you and Mary Fred keep an eye out for the baby? She was loved and wanted but slipped away in the womb. St Clements is planting on oak tree on our parish green for mothers who have lost babies and babies who were born sleeping. They will rest safely in the arms of this tree, instead of the arms of their mothers who grieve them.

I was at the church on Monday as part of the Gather Group. We were interviewing candidates interested in leading our neurodiverse worship services and teaching other churches how to make the neurodiverse feel welcome and church settings. This is a 5-year project funded by the Lily Foundation. Before the interviews began I slipped into the church. All the pictures were still hanging on the walls, keeping watch. Gently, I took your picture down and slid it into my interview folder so you could be with me during the decision process. In each candidate we met I wondered if they would pass the Ravi test. This was the test I gave to all of your PCAs. If they came to the house trying to impress me but paid little attention to you, we immediately wrote them off. If they came in the house and you instantly took a shine to them, I knew that they were a good person and could be trusted. Ravi, you had an excellent sense of people and their vibrations, and you never once led me wrong. Some of these candidates I could see you taking an instant like to them. Several of them were autistic and I promptly felt comfortable with them. Others were well intentioned but did not seem to have the calling for this particular ministry. After nearly 5 hours of talking to people our panel of interviewers went home. We were all exhausted. Each candidate brought their own wave of nervous anticipation and anxiety into the room, and it was hard not to let it rub off on us. We reconvene this evening, talk to two more candidates and then will do some serious reflection over a meal. Candidates in whom we are interested will be called back for another interview and a chance to meet other members of the church, particularly the ones they will be serving. May God be with us as we discern who or whom will be taking on this new ministry.

Ravi, it is 5 am and I am writing to you. I never do seem able to keep normal work hours. I can wake up from a sound sleep with an idea in my head and I have to write to you to get it out. I have been talking to a few publishers for your book. I have decided not to go the route of self publishing. It seems to be a very expensive vanity project and not how I want to project your story. I am putting together a list of potential agents and submitting them to Abbey, our editor. This will be a long process but hopefully a fruitful one. If nothing else, we always have the blog and our band of faithful followers, for whom I am ever grateful.

It’s still dark outside, Ravi. I fed the animals and now they are asleep around me. When it gets light outside, I will take the dogs for a walk. Due to back problems, I am not running much these days, but the dogs and I get in at least 5 miles a day of walking. We had a good walk before the interview yesterday, as I knew that I had to get my wiggles out. Fortunately, if I have notes to take and a few good fidgets on hand, I can generally stay seated and focused. You would be proud of me; I even tried to sit like a neurotypical person! It was hard! Chairs are overrated, but interviewees get nervous if I start pacing the floor, which is my favorite way to think.

I miss our walks, Ravi. I miss your laugh and your smile. I knew that you are with Mary Fred and a host of other souls, just on the other side of the veil, but I still miss you. One day, we will all be together again. No cancer, no pain, no fear. Can you pray for your Uncle Rob? You and God know why. He is a very good human and much loved by his family. Go in peace Ravi, to love and serve the Lord. Love, Mom.