Smoke, haze, 5 weeks post op

Dear Ravi,

It is eerie this morning. Due to the wildfires up north, smoke hangs thick in the air. I put the dogs out early this morning and I could taste and smell the smoke. It was like one could almost take a bite out of it. Even though the temperature was in the low 70s for a change, a dog walk was impossible. I hastily brought all the pets inside and slammed the door. No birds are singing. I hope that you and they migrated someplace safe where you can actually breathe. I doubt that you need an N95 mask in heaven, but wouldn’t it be silly and sad to see birds with masks over their beaks? What a sad world we have created. I am praying for this weather to break and that we get a good hard rainstorm. The backyard is a mess. It is too hot to mow, and all the grass is dying. I only care about your baby trees and Daddy religiously waters them with a slow drip hose every night. So far, they look okay, but the air quality cannot be helping them.

On a brighter note, I am 5 weeks plus 2 days out of surgery. I feel much stronger. In 6 days, I go see my surgeon for a checkup and hopefully lose this neck brace. In hot weather it traps the air and clings to me like a desperate octopus. I am ready to be rid of it. Before this week I was walking about 25 miles and week and getting steadily faster. I have not walked since last Sunday. Church was stifling last week. We met in the sanctuary, but everyone had fans and no one vested. All the windows and door were open but there was not a breath of air. Ten minutes into the service Joy announced that this coming Sunday we are meeting in the parish hall. The room has air conditioning. Pizza church on Wednesday was also held inside. We have a lot of very young and very elderly people in our congregation, and I worry about their safety in this heat and with this bad air quality.

Since I haven’t been able to get outside, I have been binge watching the World Cup. I love soccer and have since I was a kid. I love watching some of the best players in the world compete. We are down to the final match on Sunday, Argentina versus Spain. Sadly, England lost to Argentina in yesterday’s match. The US team washed out last week. I wasn’t even that sad after the red card scandal that got “fixed”. I do want to remind you that the US Women’s Team has won 4 World Cup championships in a row, without any outside interference!

Please pray for your Uncle Rob, Aunt Cindy, and their sons. He is not doing well. Pray for better mobility, strength, less pain, and better quality of life. I have Chris, our pet sitter set up to come at a moment’s notice if Cindy calls and says that she needs help. We are ready to start driving at a moment’s notice.

The pets are demanding my attention, even though they just had a scrumptious breakfast. That was 15 minutes ago and they have already forgotten. I know that you are flying free away from this earth that is on fire. I miss you desperately but am glad you are safe and strong in a place that can do you no harm. I love you forever, Mom.

Backyard Bird Battles

Hi Ravi!

You won’t believe what was going on in the backyard, feathers were flying. Despite having 2 fruit trees out back, until today they have not attracted any birds. The cherry tree bloomed, grew cherries, and was harvested without event. The crabapple tree continued to make fruit. Yesterday, a dozen chickadees descended on the crabapple tree and decided to have a feast. The tree is still small and does not have many sturdy branches. Though there was a plethora of crabapples, the birds became very pugnacious and fights broke out. They were flying in and out of the tree, divebombing one another and making a complete racket. Little birdie battles were breaking out all over the yard. Nikki was sitting on the back of my chair making his “eck, eck, eck” noise, thinking this show was even better than the World Cup. The dogs remained oblivious. About 10 minutes later, as swiftly as they had come, all the birds vanished. About 3/4s of the fruit was gone. Though my favorite bird is the cardinal, I have to give props to the chickadee. They are so little and so fierce. If they are going to fight that hard for a snack, I will let them have it. Despite what the republicans say, everyone deserves to eat. I am thinking as a 25th anniversary present to ourselves, daddy and I should buy a bird feeder and put it out back. That way everyone can have a snack and maybe it will put a damper on the bird battles.

It has been really hot lately and I have not been taking the dogs with me when I walk. On my walk yesterday I saw a beautiful red cardinal. It cocked its head, looked at me and then flew off into the trees. I am convinced that you were checking in on me. A bit later Paul reported that there was a swarm of cardinals at his feeder in Connecticut. I told him that you, Joyce, and Dave were stopping in to say hi and to have a snack. He agreed. I told him about the backyard bird battles and he was amused. You always did have a way of making people laugh. Sometimes, you make me laugh and cry at the same time.

In 10 days, I get my cervical brace off and I cannot wait. I am hoping to do PT after that to strengthen my body. I am still holding onto a pipe dream that maybe I can run again or at least walk/jog. My marathon and ultra days are probably over, but it would be fun just to be able to jog a 5km. There is a turkey trot in Fredericksburg that I would love to do with Etta and Denny. Time will tell.

We are nearly halfway through Sarcoma Awareness month. I am still talking to anyone who will listen about the needs for better research and outcomes for Osteosarcoma. I will keep banging this particular drum throughout the month, and ultimately, until I take my last breath. Once again dear readers, please find the link to help below.

https://osinst.org/herndon-fundraiser

It is still cool enough to walk the dogs, so I think I will log off. Be sweet and fly high. If you see some chickadees, give them some space. All God’s children have a place in the choir, and all God’s children deserve to eat, be it crabapples, bird seed, or Taco Bell. I love you forever. Mom.

One Month Out

Dear Ravi,

I am now a month out from surgery and feeling better. I don’t need trekking poles to walk anymore, and I can walk one dog at a time by myself. This is nice as I am not so tied into daddy’s schedule and can take off whenever I chose. I walked 3.5 miles with a friend today, and 5 miles on Monday. I am slow but gradually gaining strength and speed. In 12 days, I will go see the surgeon and hopefully get to leave the cervical spine brace behind. I will also find out what activites I can do and what activies from which I must refrain. I have no idea if I can ever run again. As to the brace, it is hot and cumbersome, and I am tired of sleeping in it. It is doing a very good job protecting my spine, but I want to be able to drive again. I have things lined up to do when I get this brace off. I am going to go for a drive in my car and listen to 80’s music, like we used to do. I am going to the salon and getting a haircut and a facial. Then, Pam and I are going soaring with daddy. Hopefully, I will be able to look sideways again, without rotating my entire body. Lots of things to look forward to.

It is hot today and supposed to be even warmer tomorrow. If I am going to do any walking, I will have to get up early. Raya does not like the heat at all. Jack Jack can tolerate it. Gloria just charges on through, but I am careful to walk her at cooler times of the day. Nikki and Catherine are seeking out parts of the house that are in the shade.

I spent an hour today talking to Jenn, my bereavement peer mentor. She lost her son Zach to osteosarcoma about 5 years ago. She is encouraging me to become a peer mentor. I am not quite ready to do this, but I would like to help other bereaved parents. After you lose a child to cancer, your entire vocabulary changes, your interests change, your priorities change. I just want to be a kind person in a world that is often random, callous and cruel. Since it is Sarcoma awareness month, I am spending the entire month putting Osteosarcoma on blast. I am still an autism advocate and always will be, but autism is not nearly as lethal as osteosarcoma. Jenn and I doubt that there will be a cure in our lifetime, but we will keep fighting and advocating for better resources and outcomes. For my readers, I will continue to put forth this link so you can help us with better resources and hopefully, one day, a cure. Every little bit helps.

https://osinst.org/herndon-fundraiser

Today, my coach Dave Coyne is celebrating his second birthday in heaven. He would have been 70 years old today. His running club misses him here on earth, but I am certain that you and Joyce are having a wonderful time with him in heaven. Please pray for your Uncle Rob. He is recovering well from his latest surgery, but his last scan was rather grim. He is still working, mostly from bed, but he gets up every day and continues. I am in awe of his fortitude.

It is 5:04 pm and the animals are telling me that it is dinner time. There is kitty chow, dog chow, and bugs to be served. Some things never change. My love for you will never change. See you on the flip side. Mom.

Raya’s thoughts on Osteosarcoma

Hi all!

My name is Raya and I am an Australian Shepherd. I have lived with Harriet and Robert (mommy and daddy) since December 14, 2024. Before this I was a breeder bitch, and my job was to make beautiful puppies. I did this job well, but I really just wanted a human family of my own. Mommy and Daddy adopted me from Northwest Australian Shepherd Rescue. Let me tell you, my life is so much better! I have a safe home, humans who adore me, lots of walks and bones, it is everything a girl could ask for! My morning ritual is to get up early with mommy, eat breakfast, and then go for a walk. I love walks! Later, daddy wakes up and gives me a good ear rub. Then, he has his morning yogurt, and he always lets me lick out the container. Later on, I play with Nikki, the tabby cat. We are besties.

Before I came to live with mommy and daddy, they had a son. His name was Ravi. Mommy and daddy talk about him a lot. I never got to meet him. He passed away of something called Osteosarcoma. I don’t know what that is, but it sounds bad. Mommy says that there is not enough money or research for better outcomes and that the standard treatments are over 40 years old and don’t work well at all. Anyway, I would like to have known Ravi. He sounds like he was a great human being. If you would like to help contribute to better outcomes for osteosarcoma, please click on the link below.

https://osinst.org/herndon-fundraiser

Mommy says I came into the Herndon family at exactly the right time. She felt that daddy needed someone to love him and that I was the perfect dog for a broken heart. I am glad I could help my daddy; he is a great person. Anyway, my paws are tired from all this typing. Thank you for reading my story. Daddy is about to get up and share his yogurt with me. I just got back from a walk with mommy and found lots of good things to sniff and bunnies to chase. I am a happy girl, but I wish that there was a cure for osteosarcoma. As mommy always says, be a good human. Ta ta! Raya.

Gloria has a birthday today!

Hi everyone!

This is Gloria and I have stolen mommy’s computer. Please bear with me as I don’t have thumbs and it takes me a while to type. I want you to know that I am a very good girl. I first met mommy when I was 3 weeks old. She sat down in a pile of puppies, me and my brothers and sisters, to play with us. We all played for a while and then all the other puppies wandered off, and I crawled into her lap and fell asleep. That was when mommy and I decided that we belonged together. I came home with mommy when I was 8 weeks old. I was a little uncertain about leaving my littermates, but I decided that mommy, daddy, Ravi, and Mercury were okay. When mommy introduced me to Ravi he began to cry. He was afraid that mommy would not love him anymore. She convinced him that she had plenty of love in her heart for all of us and soon Ravi and I became good friends. I miss him.

Right now, I live with mommy, daddy, Jack Jack ,Raya, Nikki, and Catherine. Jack Jack is my half-brother, we have the same daddy. I wasn’t sure about Raya at first, but we have learned to live with each other. Mostly we just ignore each other. She likes to play with Nikki, she cat. I like to play with/boss around Jack Jack. My favorite thing to do is to go for walks with Mommy by myself. Yesterday, I was trotting down the sidewalk and a funny man said, “Hi there, killer!” I was very proud. I may only weigh 12 pounds, but I am very fierce. When I am not walking with mommy I like to run around the backyard and bark at bunnies or people in the alley, chew on bones, and sit in mom’s lap. Since she is recovering from surgery we have been watching a lot of World Cup Soccer. I would love to chase a soccer ball. I bet I could even score a goal! Messi has nothing on me!

Well, my paws are getting tired, so I think I will sign off. I have bunnies to chase. I want to remind you that I really loved Ravi and that this month is Sarcoma Awareness Month. Did you know that the drugs used to treat Osteosarcoma are over 40 years old? Did you know that you can help further research and better outcomes by clicking the link below?

https://osinst.org/herndon-fundraiser

Even if you don’t contribute you can still see some fun pictures of my best friend, Ravi. As mommy always says, be a good human. I will try to be a good dog, but sometimes it is more fun to be naughty. Ta ta, Gloria.

Let’s end Osteosarcoma!

Dear Friends,

July is both Sarcoma awareness month and bereaved parent month. During this month I am raising awareness of Osteosarcoma and raising money for better research and outcomes for this devastating disease. If you are interested in learning more about Ravi and helping fund essential research, please click on the link below.

https://osinst.org/herndon-fundraiser

Thank you for following my story and being good humans.

Peace,
Harriet

Sarcoma Awareness Month

Dear Ravi,

The surgery was worth it. When I woke up this morning, I realized that the migraine that I have had since mid-March is gone! I can actually think straight again. What a relief. Daddy and I walked the dogs 4.2 miles today before it got too hot and sticky. The pets are all laying belly down on the coolest patches of floor that they can find. We have AC boxes in your room and the living room, plus a fan. The house is at a very comfortable temperature. We don’t like it too cold as Daddy and I are both heat seeking missiles, but the break from the outdoors is very nice.

This month is both Sarcoma awareness month and Bereaved parent month. My goal is to talk about you and rare cancers all month long and to celebrate your short but highly impactful life. I will be talking to Vanessa from the Osteosarcoma Institute later this week about fundraising ideas this month. I am still an ardent autism advocate, but my new hat is also that of being an osteosarcoma advocate as well. The current administration is not kind to those who are sick or those who have autism or other disabilities. They believe that even sick people who are receiving MA should work or volunteer at least 20 hours a week. We both know that this is impossible. I never had any plans for you to work anyway, we all knew that you were a rec and leisure kind of guy. I just wanted to find welcoming communities where you could live your best life. Now the administration wants to overthrow the Olmstead Act and put those with disabilities back in institutions. This is cruel, callous, and very wrong. I never even had plans to let you live in a group home, let alone an institution. I feel as if we have fallen back into the 1950s where children with disabilities were taken away from their parents, warehoused, and parents were told it would be better to pretend that their children never existed. Ravi, I clearly remember the first time I felt you kick in my womb and I fell madly in love with you. How could I possibly give you up? The longest you ever stayed away from us in your 22 years was when you went to Camp Hand in Hand for 5 days and 4 nights. You had the time of your life, and I was thrilled that you got that opporunity. You got to swim, go on boat rides (your favorite) hike for miles, do music therapy, eat tasty food and make new friends. What an incredible adventure! Every child deserves to attend summer camp. No child or adult needs to live in an institution. Period.

It is clouding over outside and getting very humid. I am glad that we walked the dogs earlier in the day. I did not see any cardinals, but I did see a cute baby bunny. Daddy has some errands to run, and I have some notes to read about writing a strong letter of query. These notes have been sitting on the back burner for nearly 2 weeks, but I did not have the brain power to read through them. Today is a good day for brain power so I will pour over the notes and then rewrite my letter of query. Later on, I have a zoom session with Jenn, and we can talk about how very odd it is to be a bereaved parent and how to raise more awareness about osteosarcoma. My life looks so different than it did 4 years ago. My goals are completely different. I am still an autism advocate, but I am also an osteosarcoma advocate. I am no longer a runner, but I can walk in your memory. I have probably trained my last service dogs, but I still love being surrounded by Australian shepherds. Still, I know that we will recognize each other in heaven. Our love is a bond that will never be broken. To all my readers, be good humans. Love, Harriet.

Osteosarcoma Awareness

Dear Ravi,

Remember when I told you about running the Brave Like Gabe 5km, and how this year I was going to walk it virtually? Well, yesterday was the day. June 27 was Gabe’s birthday, and she wanted a race in her memory. As I was 18 days out from surgery, I did not know if I could participate in the actual run, but I signed up, donated money to osteosarcoma and rare cancer research, got my shirt and number and was ready to go! You dad and I walked about 5 miles yesterday and 3.1 of those miles were for you and Gabe. I heard that the race raised over $40,000 for rare cancer research. This makes me very happy!

I was very tired after our walk, but it was a good tired. I am glad we got the miles in yesterday because right now we are under a heat dome. It is about 84 F outside but feels like 94 F. This is an excellent day for daddy and I to finally break down and put in the window AC. The dogs keep asking to go out and then they turn around and come right back in. Nikki has not even tried to make a dash for it. Catherine the hedgehog is in full sploot mode in her habitat.

On Saturday we met up at the airfield with Tom, Penny, and River. Daddy took them all for rides and everyone had a great time. I did not go up as I still have my neck brace for another 4 weeks. I am looking forward to getting it off. Once I am free, I will be able to drive again, get a haircut, go up in a glider, and be able to sleep more comfortably. I am not complaining because you never complained. The brace is doing its job and protecting my cervical spine while it fuses. It will be nice to get some independence back!

The cherries on your tree are fully ripe and ready to be picked. That is my next task for the day. My original plan was to make a cherry pie for Daniel and Robin, but I don’t know if I have enough cherries to do that. I will ask Daddy what sort of tasty treat we can turn these cherries into. Your crab apple tree is also doing really nicely, but I don’t think the crab apples are ready to harvest. I think that will be an adventure for August.

June is such a bittersweet month now that you and Mercury are gone. It used to be my favorite month of the year. Now, it is a time of remembrance and grief. If I could bring you back, completely healthy and happy, I would do it in a heartbeat; but your body is no longer in this world. You fought so hard and now you deserve eternal happiness and freedom. No more chemo, no more seizures, no more pain or fear. I know that you are flying free with Cousin Joyce and a myriad of other good souls. July is sarcoma awareness month, and I am going to use my platform to raise funds for the Osteosarcoma Institute. The therapies used to fight this disease are over 40 years old and they don’t really work. We can do better. Science can do better. As Paul Wellstone said, “We all do better when we all do better.”

I am about to go out and put some water out for the birds and pick the cherries from your tree. I am quite open to divine inspiration as to what to do with them. Fly free my son and know that my love for you and for Mercury will never die. Mom.

Happy Birthday Mercury

Dear Mercury,

Happy 22nd birthday. I hope you are doing well. We have not seen you since you were 18. Do you remember your 18th birthday? I took you and Eli to an Indigo Girls concert. It was directly after the fall of Roe vs Wade and the feminist energy and anger was high in that arena. It felt wonderful to be surrounded by strong, powerful, righteously angry feminists.

I wonder what you are doing now. I know that you and Eli got married a few months ago. What happened to my daughter that I raised to be an independent free thinker? Your world seems so small now, your high school friends have left you. You looked positively miserable in the few wedding photos that I saw. What have you done?

I don’t really expect that you will ever come back, though the door is always open if you wish to. You never even sent a card to Ravi while he was ill or talked to him on Facetime. You did not attend his funeral. I grieve both Ravi and you. My grief for you is more ambiguous. Your brother is dead. You are alive. Both of you are very far from me.

22 years ago you danced into my life and the angels all applauded. During my pregnancy with you I had not sense of your gender. My first words when the doctor showed you to me were, “It’s a girl!” I was stunned and delighted. I had a boy and a girl, both healthy, and I thought that life could never get any better. Though we had our struggles as a family, that time was sweet. You learned to walk at 9 months, spoke in full sentences at 1 year, and were reading fluently at age 2.5. The world was your oyster.

You have chosen a very difficult path. I want to remind you that the world is still your oyster. You have so much potential, and so much life left to live. The door is always open if you want to reach out. Though you claim that I am nothing but your “womb bearer”, I am still your mother. You share my DNA. We had you baptized into the community of Christ. There are some things that you cannot change, no matter how hard you try. If you reach out, you will find an open door and a listening ear. I believe we both need time and therapy to address what has come between us. I am more than willing to give you this time. Love, Mom.

World Juggling Day

Dear Ravi,

Yesterday was World Juggling Day. We met the Neverthriving at Minnehaha park, grilled, threw things in the air, walked on stilts, played with kendamas and romped with dogs. As I am less than 2 weeks out of surgery, I was just there for moral support. It was a beautiful day with lovely friends.

Earlier in the day, I met with an agent named Katharine. I had sent her my letter of query and my manuscript. She had only wanted 1o pages of it, but I could not figure out how to send only 10, so I sent her the whole thing and told her to stop after the first chapter. To my surprise, she read the entire document, said that her attention never wavered and that I had a strong, compelling writers voice. We spent a lot of time going over the letter of query, which I knew was my weak link. Her first suggestion is not to call myself a mother but an autism advocate and to play up the fact that I am a late diagnosed autistic woman with 2 autistic children whose autism manifests very differently. I had her on conference call and took at least 5 pages of scribbled notes. She was very encouraging and also suggested that I submit some of my essays to the Huffington Post to gain more readers. When we returned from the juggling party, I discovered that she had emailed me her notes from a seminar she gave on writing a letter of query. I was very touched and fired off a thank you note. She was slotted to speak with me for 15 minutes, but gave me 35 minutes of her time. It was time well spent. I feel like I have the ability to move forward on my letter of query. I also have some ideas to add to your story. She loved your story of falling in love with the school bus and said this made you seem very real to her. All in all, between talking to Katharine and celebrating World Juggling Day, it was a banner weekend. Today is Father’s Day and we are just lying low. I firmly believe that Daddy was and is the best daddy in the world for you and for Mercury. He loved you both unconditionally and always will.

Raya did something very brave today; she picked up a new toy and carried it around for a little while. She had no toys as a puppy and is only now learning how to play. She and the kitty have a nice relationship. They lie together and chase each other around. They are very gentle friends. Gloria is seeing her behavioral vet tomorrow to talk about her so called “special needs”. As long as she is fixed like glue to my side, she is fine, but she is very jealous of Raya. The two have not gotten in a fight in ages, mostly because I keep them separate and Raya goes out of her way to avoid Gloria. The other morning, something funny happened. I had Gloria and Jack out in the back yard. Suddenly, Raya pushed her way out. All 3 dogs froze, stared at each other and then ran in opposite directions! No one wanted to start anything. I called them inside one by one, and gave them lots of treats and praise. Slowly, we are all becoming a family, a pack.

I wonder what you are doing today. Alissa and I had so much fun talking about you on your birthday and remembering the good times. She is in town this week and Daddy hopes to take her out to the glider field next weekend. I haven’t seen any cardinals today, but we saw a whole bunch of baby turkeys earlier. They are very cute and fuzzy. I love you and miss you. Mom.