International Childhood Cancer Day

Dear Ravi,

As you know, I stopped in to see you earlier this morning. I hope you could hear the happy chaos of my Sunday school class down the hallway. They were few in number today but made up for it in enthusiasm and sheer noise. Today is International Childhood Cancer Day, a day that we reflect on the living and on those who have passed. We also reflect on the lifelong afflictions that cancer survivors live with. Even when the chemo is over, the bell is ring, the parties have stopped, the symptoms from chemo remain. More often than not, survivors suffer from permanent neuropathy, inability to digest many foods, neurological problems, and osteoporosis. These are the quiet symptoms that are rarely said out loud. After one rings the bell, one’s family and friends except everything to return to “normal”. Ravi, there is no normal after that first scan shows a tumor. Life is turned upside down, capsized, and that ship will never sail easily again. That first scan marks the end of an era, an era where cancer patients were “healthy.” It’s not just the vomiting and hair loss. A cancer survivor may seem alright on the outside, but there are a myriad of health problems on the inside that they will battle for the rest of their lives. My love, you did not survive long enough to suffer the aftermath of chemotherapy. You lived with cancer as long as you could, and then you gracefully and peacefully passed away in my arms. You ascended directly into heaven, leaving your daddy and me to try and comprehend a life without you. Life still does not make any sense. Minnesota is still in turmoil. Our immigrant neighbors hide in their houses. Children are afraid to go to school. Parents are afraid to go to work or to buy groceries. The Whipple Building has become a transport station where innocent people are sent to concentration camps. These are bleak times, but the brave people of our state are fighting back. We march, we protest, we bring aid and food to our neighbors. We call our representatives. I have never been more heartbroken for my state, but again I have never been so proud to be a Minnesota. I moved here 27 years ago and set down taproots. I raised you and your sister here. You are grounded here.

It is a sunny day. Parkas are not needed. Two of the dogs are on the back patio, sunbathing. Gloria and Nikki are inside sharing a sunbeam. This is a false tease, a false spring. Temperatures will drop this week, and there is a chance of snow. Nonetheless, we have off shaken off the deep freeze that we felt down to our bones a few weeks ago. The ice on the sidewalks have melted and the bird songs sound a bit louder. With spring, hope will come.

I miss you, Ravi. Please pray for your sister, Stirling. She has made some terrible mistakes, and I fear that her wellbeing in on the line. She was not there for you during your illness or even at your funeral, but she is still family and we pray for reconciliation. Pray also for peace and victims of fear, injustice, and oppression. Remember your baptismal covenant. You and your sister were both baptized into the body of Christ and that will stay with you forever. You are now one of the company of saints and angels, and martyrs. I will continue in your light and in your memory. Right now, Daddy is a juggling with some dear friends. I am sitting in my reading chair, in the sunshine, reflecting on the amazing life that your lived. Love you forever. Mom.