Friends, Mother’s Day is quickly approaching, and I am feeling some fear and dread. I have celebrated this day as a mother since 2003, when Ravi was an infant. I absolutely loved being a mom. I was even happier in 2004 when Stirling joined our merry little band. This year, I am at something of a loss. We never made a huge deal out of Mother’s Day, other than a card and some hugs, no big productions or a fancy mimosa breakfast. Usually, we just spent the day as a family, hanging out and having fun. I really miss that. Ravi is gone and Stirling is estranged. I have no one to call me mom.
So, what I am going to do instead of crawl under a rock? (Trust me, this is tempting.) I sat down and though of the women I think most highly of. The women who nurtured me, loved me, pushed me, believed in me. I picked out a pretty card for each one and wrote them a letter of gratitude. I put the letters in the mail. Still, Sunday looms in front of me. So, I will be attending church with a dear friend. After the service, I will go to the chapel/columbarium and chat with Ravi for a while. I know that his spirit is not in that space. When Joy interred his urn she told us, “Ravi is not here.” Ravi spirit is loose and free in the world. He is no longer shackled by cancer, epilepsy, or pain. I go to the chapel frequently because a tiny part of him is there, and it is a good space to meditate, cry, and pray. I will spend the time that I need in the chapel and then return home. I will take the dogs for walks or runs. Later, Robert and I will go to Menards to pick out flowers and we will plant them in the backyard.
So, here is my request to you this Sunday. Please say his name. His name is Ravi. People are often afraid to say his name, thinking that it might upset us. No, we have suffered the greatest loss a parent can face. Saying his name will not hurt us. Saying his name tells us that you remember him too, and that he was loved greatly. Send your voice and your good will out into the universe. If you have a happy Ravi story, or even that he just made you smile. please feel free to share this on the blog, or on Facebook. Civilizations were built on stories. Families build their own stories. On Sunday, be a good human, say Ravi’s name for us. If you see a cardinal, or rainbow, or something else amazing, he is saying hello back to you. If he appears to you in a dream, know that he knew you were a good person, and he is popping in to say hi. As always, be good humans. The world is chaotic, but there is still good to be seen and shared. Peace, Harriet.
Harriet's Hedgehogs and Autism Advocacy 