Missing, one muse

Hi there, my muse seems to have gone missing. Has anyone seen her? She usually wakes me up around 4am with something to write. The last two times she has woken me up, frozen, developed writer’s block, and has had nothing to say. Muse where have you gone? It is now 3:30 on a Tuesday afternoon and I am still looking for her. Where do I start? I guess I start with what I know, so here goes.

In my last blog I talked about getting up really early in the morning for a PET scan at Mayo. The scan itself was unremarkable, it did not show anything new. The devastating news was that after Dr. R, the surgeon whom I hoped would take Ravi’s case, saw the scan, she determined that her team either would not or could not do the surgery. Our oncologist, Dr Greengard, was just as baffled as we were, but continued to make plans. She gave us a referral to a surgeon that she trusts at Children’s whom we see in 2 weeks. She also wanted Ravi to have a GFR test to see what his renal function is currently. He spent a long weekend in the hospital, early this month, because his creatinine was too high and his phosphorous levels were too low. These problems were resolved after a few days and he was sent home, but it did delay cycle 5 of chemo by a week.

Yesterday was an 8 hour day at the hospital. The GFR test began at 7:45 am and went for 4 hours. Chemo followed this. Ravi’s creatinine was a bit high, so he was given fluids prior to the start of the chemotherapy. He did well through the transfusion and was sent home without issue. I received the results of the GFR test last night, though the team has not seen them yet or commented. With GRF, the higher the number, the better. A good working pair of kidneys would have a GFR of around 90. Ravi’s GFR was 66. On the other hand, his GFR from October was 59. This tells me that his kidneys have made some improvement and he is not in imminent danger of renal failure. Since no one from the team has called me, I am not too worried. If there was a problem, they would have touched base. I assume we will learn more at our Thursday appointment.

Ravi has begun cycle 5 of 8 cycles of chemo. Hopefully, he will be done with chemo by the end of May. I keep telling him that this weird life of practically living in the hospital is not forever. He will not receive chemo forever. With the grace of God, he will be able to go to his day program in the fall. He will have a life and friends again. I don’t think he believes me. Right now, he is off at Culvers with his dad and Peter. He was tired this morning but seemed willing to leave the house a few minutes ago. It is a sunny day and a good day to be out. So, this leaves me here with my pets and my computer, trying to summon my muse. I still feel like I am thinking and writing through a pool of molasses. Maybe my muse is just perpetually sleep deprived. Thank you all for the continuing love and support. I remind Ravi that he is not alone. He has an entire team praying for him and cheering him on. As we are about to enter Holy Week, I remind myself that one must journey through Good Friday in order to reach the Resurrection. In the meantime, be good humans and we will be in touch.