Dear Ravi,
I was a student teacher when the Columbine School shooting took place. I was a seasoned teacher when the Sandy Hook massacre occurred. I was at the tail end of my teaching career when our school had lockdown drills and I had corral 15 kindergarteners into the bathroom, turn off the lights and tell them to be quiet as mice. Ravi, I was trained to be a teacher, not at martyr. Gun violence punctuated my entire teaching career. I never grew numb to it; it was one heartache after another. My biggest fear for you was that someone would open fire on your school. Bridge View School is a beautiful, welcoming community. Huge glass sliding doors lead into the sunny hallways. A secretary sits at the desk to check visitors in or say hi to passing students. All the staff know all of the students and their families. For 13 years, that school was your home away from home and you loved it. I was so scared for you and your classmates. You would not understand a lockdown drill. You probably didn’t even know what a gun looked like or why someone would use one. Over the years, the school eventually moved to a safer model. All teachers had passes to get in and out of the building. The doors were locked from the inside and only a faculty member could buzz a visitor indoors. Even that did not curtail my anxiety. I wanted to shield you and your classmates from every possibility of danger.
Last week, the dreaded headlines appeared again. This time a violent teen attacked an elementary school in Oregon. Specifically, the shooter targeted a special needs classroom. It was the nightmare of every parent come true. A teacher and several children died. Another teacher and children were injured. I think of the teacher who was slaughtered. She was 25 years old and at the beginning of the career. Like me at that age she was bright, motivated, and ready to change to world for her students. She loved her job. Maybe for her it was not just a job, but a calling. She and several of her innocent students never made it home that day. I am both heartbroken and raging. Those students deserved an education and they deserved to live their lives without fear or trauma.
Ravi, here is the part that I really do not understand. The shooter was a former student of that school and also had special needs. He was 16, his life just beginning to open before him. For some reason, his mother gave him a gun for his 16th birthday. I don’t know if he had any gun safety classes. I don’t know why he was even carrying a gun on an ordinary weekday morning, or why he returned to the school, to the very classroom, where he was nurtured and taught. Ravi, I do not understand. I do understand this much; children should not have access to guns. Guns should only be in the hands of sane adults who have had more than adequate gun safety training. They are useful if you are a farmer or rancher protecting your animals or your flock. They are not useful in the hands of special needs teens. I am also afraid that this shooting will give the public and excuse to blame the special needs community for this tragedy.
So, my son, my heart is heavy this week. Gun violence punctuated my entire teaching career. It made me fear for the lives of you and Mercury. We do not own any guns, never have, never will. I can’t comprehend why your grandparents are lifelong members of the NRA. The membership was their first anniversary present to each other. Our society, especially those who govern, have grown numb to gun violence. They follow each tragedy with a canned remark, “thoughts and prayers” and then refuse to pass any reasonable gun laws. I will go to church this morning and light yet another candle for the souls of those whom we have lost. I will continue to write and speak out for saner gun laws. I will speak for you and for the students like you who left school, not on a bus, but in a body bag. I love you and miss you. Mom, who is very sad.
