Dear Ravi,
This is the time of year when the veil between the living and the dead is thinnest. Yesterday was All Saints Day and today is All Souls Day. We had a beautiful church service yesterday. The congregation had submitted pictures of their loved ones who have passed to the other side of veil, and these hung from the church walls; our entire community of Saints. The processional was April’s favorite hymn, For All the Saints Who from Their Labors Rest. The Gospel hymn was I Sing a Song of the Saints of God, which we sang at both you and Rob’s funerals. I could not sing a word, but I let the words of the congregation carry me as silent tears trickled down my cheeks. I leaned against Daddy and felt his warm presence. One of our youths was baptized and it was amazing. I am used to infant presentations for baptism, but this was a young adult who spoke the answers to Joy’s questions for herself. Then, the congregation re-affirmed the words of our own baptismal covenant. After church, Daddy and I wandered the church, looking at all the pictures of those whom we have loved and lost. We said hi to you and to Mary Fred. We lit candles in the narthex for you, and Rob, and Eric. I was reminded of your baptism and what a wonderful and affirming service it was as we welcomed you into the body of Christ. Ravi, on the day, April washed you in the waters of baptism and with holy oil marked and sealed you as one of Christ’s own forever. No one can ever take that away from you Ravi, you are marked as God’s child forever. On this most holy of feast days, I could feel your presence.
After church we went to visit Lauren and Andrew. They wanted to go on a date to celebrate their 2nd anniversary. We agreed, happily, to look after Cora for the afternoon. She has never been left with a sitter before, and was teething, so they were a bit anxious. There was no need for anxiety. Cora was delighted to have 2 new playmates. We played outside in the leaves, romped with the dogs, fed her lots of snacks, read tons of books, and cuddled and rocked. It was an amazing feeling to have a baby back on my hip. It feels so natural to me, like an extension of myself. I have such fond memories of toting you around on my hip as a baby and toddler as I went about my daily activities. Do you remember your orange stuffie? I gave it to Lauren before her delivery so she could receive your good vibes. Anyway, that stuffie is Cora’s favorite toy. She carries it around, loves on it, blows it kisses, etc. I loved seeing one of your toys in her arms.
Yesterday was a day of joy and sorrow. I missed you terribly but know that you are free with all the saints and souls who have gone before. We got to play with Cora and that brought such joy to my heart. I feel that we will have many more such opportunities. Children re-affirm my faith in humanity.
Tomorrow is election day. Daddy and I already early voted, out of sheer anxiety. There is so much riding on this election, Ravi. I wish you could have voted with us. We cast our votes for better health care, for smaller classes and more help for teachers. We cast our vote for universal free breakfast and lunch for all students, K through grade 12. As always, we cast our votes in your best interest, in your friend’s best interest. My goal for the next 24 hours is to stay off my phone. I have muted it. I asked Paul not to send me any political commentary. The church will be open today and tomorrow. I will go there, sit, and pray. I will listen for you. My soul will feel for yours. I hope that your soul can feel the longing in mine. I love you to the moon and back. Mom.
