Tag: birthday

Dear Mercury,

Happy 22nd birthday. I hope you are doing well. We have not seen you since you were 18. Do you remember your 18th birthday? I took you and Eli to an Indigo Girls concert. It was directly after the fall of Roe vs Wade and the feminist energy and anger was high in that arena. It felt wonderful to be surrounded by strong, powerful, righteously angry feminists.

I wonder what you are doing now. I know that you and Eli got married a few months ago. What happened to my daughter that I raised to be an independent free thinker? Your world seems so small now, your high school friends have left you. You looked positively miserable in the few wedding photos that I saw. What have you done?

I don’t really expect that you will ever come back, though the door is always open if you wish to. You never even sent a card to Ravi while he was ill or talked to him on Facetime. You did not attend his funeral. I grieve both Ravi and you. My grief for you is more ambiguous. Your brother is dead. You are alive. Both of you are very far from me.

22 years ago you danced into my life and the angels all applauded. During my pregnancy with you I had not sense of your gender. My first words when the doctor showed you to me were, “It’s a girl!” I was stunned and delighted. I had a boy and a girl, both healthy, and I thought that life could never get any better. Though we had our struggles as a family, that time was sweet. You learned to walk at 9 months, spoke in full sentences at 1 year, and were reading fluently at age 2.5. The world was your oyster.

You have chosen a very difficult path. I want to remind you that the world is still your oyster. You have so much potential, and so much life left to live. The door is always open if you want to reach out. Though you claim that I am nothing but your “womb bearer”, I am still your mother. You share my DNA. We had you baptized into the community of Christ. There are some things that you cannot change, no matter how hard you try. If you reach out, you will find an open door and a listening ear. I believe we both need time and therapy to address what has come between us. I am more than willing to give you this time. Love, Mom.

Dear Ravi,

Yesterday was both bittersweet and magical. I had cardinal sightings pouring in from friends across the country. Obviously, you were out and about on your big day. How is it that you are 24 already? I am amazed. We started out the day at St Clement’s, meeting with Roberta on the parish green. We sat and talked, laughed, cried for several hours. The sun was shining, the crows were carrying on a lively conversation, and it was a perfect day to be outside. Later, Daddy and I went down to the chapel to see you. I am continually reminded of what Joy said when she interred your ashes. She said, “Ravi is not here.” She was very right. You are the sunshine on my face, the wind at my back, the bird song I hear lilting in the morning hours. For all of these things, I am very grateful.

Last night, after work, Alissa came over. It was like no time had passed since we had last met. We laughed, cried, howled, snorted, shared memories and food and 5 hours flew by. It was a magical evening. I am so grateful for all of our friends who wished you a happy birthday, touched base, sent cards, etc. I was deeply afraid that no one would remember you, but Ravi, our friends came through. You are deeply loved, remembered, and missed. The cherries on your tree are almost ripe. So far, the birds have not discovered them. The plan is to harvest them in a week or so and then make them into a pie for some dear friend. It seems a fitting tribute.

I am having a low energy day today. I think I poured all of my emotions and energy into yesterday and I don’t have anything left. That is more than okay. It is worth it; you are worth it. You were always worth it. Tomorrow is a busy day. I am meeting with an agent about your manuscript in the morning. In the afternoon is World Juggling Day at the park. In the evening is the opening ceremonies for the Special Olympics. I am resting today so I can fully take part in the activities tomorrow. Luka came to heaven last week. Have you caught up with him? He is a good boy and deeply missed by Laurie. You and Dave and Rosie can take good care of him. Please pray for you Uncle Rob. He is still battling a cancer that just won’t quit. I know that you are in a world without cancer, but we would like to keep Rob on earth with us a bit longer. I am about to go watch the World Cup. The pets will keep my company. I love you forever. Mom.