Tag: nature

Spring has Sprung!

Dear Ravi,

I think that spring is actually here. We narrowly missed some hailstorms and tornados last night. All we got were a few drops of rain. We are very lucky. Many of the schools in Wisconsin are closed today, due to flooding. Today was moderately warm and a great day to meet a friend for coffee and also to walk the dogs. Jack Jack, Raya, and I walked 2.5 miles. Raya has a favorite tree she insists on visiting at least once a day. It is an evergreen that she loves to sniff, rub up against, and roll under. As long as she gets to share a yogurt with daddy in the morning and we walk her to her favorite tree in the afternoon she is a very happy canine. After her walk, I walked Gloria 3.5 miles. Though Jack Jack will stop anyone we pass for belly rubs, Gloria is strictly business. She is there to walk at a quick pace and nothing else. Our girl is all focus.

Checking out our yard today I saw two things that made me very happy. Daffodils are coming up in the front yard. In the back yard, the two trees we planted in your memory are starting to bud! They survived the winter in good form. I have not taken the bunny bumpers off of them yet as we have a ton of rabbits in the back yard and I do not want them to think that your trees are a snack! There are tons of turkeys in the neighborhood. All the males are showing off their tail feathers and strutting in front of the hens. The hens just look bored. Robins are busy building nests. Squirrels are playing chicken with all the cars. Yes, it is definitely spring.

I am still fighting the health insurance industry. I did receive word that my emergency appeal is under review. When will it dawn on our country that universal healthcare is a human right? Other countries figured it out years ago. This baffles me. Sigh. I will keep fighting. I am always rather bewildered by the people who laugh at me and say that I am a social justice warrior. If I don’t fight for social justice, what is left to fight for? Advocacy is a hill I am not afraid to die on.

Nikki the cat is curled up next to me on the couch, giving great rumbling purrs. He loves the electric blanket about as much as I do. Just like Raya needs her yogurt and her favorite tree, Nikki needs warm places to rest. During the day you can find him on my reading chair in a sunbeam, at night he is on the heated blanket.

I know that you are well and dancing in heaven, but I wish I could share this glorious springtime with you. I miss you and both of the Daves. The three of you were excellent humans who left planet earth too early. I will keep on writing and talking about you. Your story lives on. I love you forever, Mom.

The Perch that did not perch

Dear Ravi,

A sunny day here, but with weather moving in. When I am not dealing with the bureaucracy that is our health care system, I have been taking long walks with either the dogs and Daddy or good friends. Yesterday, a good friend and I walked about 6 miles around our neighborhood. We were walking up Cretin Avenue, at least half a mile from any body of water, when we came upon a dead fish in the middle of the sidewalk. I think the fish was a Perch and it definitely had seen better days. Our only guess was that an eagle or osprey had flown into a nearby tree to eat his snack and dropped it. I have no idea why the bird did not retrieve the fish, but there it sits, looking very dead and sad. Not exactly what we were expecting to see! We also saw tons of birds, bunnies, and turkeys. They were all alive, well, and definitely looking to procreate. It is spring!

I have found myself suddenly without insurance after having been in PHP for the last month. Insurance pulled out at the end of March, but I did not receive notice of this until April 8. Healthpartners is claiming this is a MNSure problem. MNSure does not seem to care. I have medical bills looming. Not the best place to be in. I have written the Keith Ellison, our AG, filed an emergency appeal with MNSure, and applied for emergency help through Ramsey County. This is very frustrating. I have paid all my premiums on time, but the state claims that I missed a deadline that I did not even know existed, and I have no insurance until May. I rescheduled my appointment with the pain clinic and have put off seeing any medical professionals for the next 3 weeks. The good news is that I don’t need any pharmacy refills. In short, this is a nightmare.

Sorry, my love. I started out talking about a fish on the sidewalk and ended up on a rant against our medical system. In short, it is broken. I am glad you always had MA and that Daddy is retired.

I am returning to work in a week as a nanny for a 15-month-old boy. I am excited to be working again and hope that this will keep me from spiraling into the fear that I won’t have money to pay my bills. Never in my life have I bought something that I could not pay for, so not having control over my medical debt, for reasons that were not my fault, really scares me. To my readers in other civilized countries with universal healthcare, this actually happens fairly often in the US. The biggest cause of bankruptcy is medical debt. Sometimes, it really stinks to be an American.

Hope I haven’t bored you with this diatribe. This is not my first or my last go around trying to get my health care covered. I am so thankful that you got the care you needed immediately, and it did not run us into debt. I know that you are flying free. I am editing your story and looking for agents. You are always on my mind and in my heart. Love you to the moon and back. Mom.

Two Trees

Dear Ravi,

Does time in heaven look and feel the same way as time on earth? I seriously doubt it. Scripture says that a day in heaven is like a thousand years. I believe that God operates outside of the confines of time. It has been nearly a year since you left us. Your daddy and I want to do something to commemorate your passing and decided that planting a tree in the backyard felt like the right thing to do. Roberta told us that Gerten’s was a great place to find a tree, so we spent several evenings perusing their website. Our choices came down to two trees. One was a north star cherry; the other was a flowering crab apple. Do you remember the crab apple we had in the backyard when you were little? I miss that tree. Yesterday, we went to Gerten’s and wandered all around. I had no idea that the nursery was so big. There were literally acres of trees, plants, vines, herbs, etc. It smelled heavenly. A nice lady named Emma helped us find both the crab apple and cherry trees. The crab apple tree that caught my eye was called prairie fire and the pictures showed beautiful vibrant blossoms. The cherry tree was said to produce pie cherries. Both are pollinator friendly and attract birds. We could not make up our minds, so we decided to purchase both! I picked out a crab apple which spoke to me and daddy picked out a cherry tree which spoke to him. We also bought a bag of fertilizer that guarantees the life of the tree for 5 years and encourages healthy root growth. For a fee, Gerten’s will also deliver and plant the trees that one purchases. We decided to do this as well. I am not certain I can dig deep enough to make the entire root bulb happy, and I want to give these trees the best possible shot at life that I can give. The trees will be delivered and planted on Monday October 13, 2 days after the anniversary of your passing.

Before your daddy and I went to the nursery Laurie came over and we planted 50 crocus bulbs in a spiral shape in the front yard. Daddy dug two eight-inch-deep trenches in the side yard, and I planted more crocus, some hyacinth bulbs, and some tulips. Now I will have something pretty to look at when spring arrives. The bulbs should come up before the grass does. It was 87 F in the shade yesterday, so I worked in fits and starts. I hauled lots of wood chips from the pile in the driveway over where I had planted the bulbs and spread it all around. The yard still looks like a bit of a jungle, but little by little I am making progress.

After Daddy and I had purchased your trees we were wandering out of the nursery. An orange monarch swooped by our heads. I am certain that it was you checking in and approving of the trees we will plant in your honor.

Ravi, we miss you more than words can express. I have been dreading this month and this coming week. We are grateful for the friends who walk this path with us. Tomorrow, there is an outdoor blessing of the animals at St. Clement’s. I am taking Jack Jack. He is our only truly sociable dog. Gloria would tell Joy how to run the service and herd all the other pets into a tight pack. Raya would simply faint from sheer terror. So, that leaves Jack Jack who will do anything for a good belly rub. I hope that you will stop by the service. It will be the type of controlled chaos that you love. We are excited for the trees to arrive in 9 days. We will think of you every time we look at them. Love you to the moon and back. Mom

Bird Rap Battles!

We have not seen any cardinals in a week or so, but apparently Ravi has set up shop in a tree in Clarksville, Indiana and is making quite the racket! My dear sister-in-law, Cindy just texted me this morning. For the past few weeks there have been two birds have a bird rap off contest outside her bedroom window, bright and early, every morning. The cardinal, ie: Ravi, has taken over the big maple in her side yard. A California wren lives in a redbud near their bedroom window. For those who do not know, wrens are about 2/3s the size of cardinals but are very noisy and feisty. This duo has been waking up very early every morning to belt out birdie rap songs and debating about who has dominion over the tree. Cindy says that both birds are very wroth, but no fighting, just lots of fluffing of feathers and birdie ballads going back and forth, starting about 5am.

Ravi may have been non speaking, but he did have a voice and could make tons of noise when he felt like it. We used to joke that he was the loudest non speaking person we had ever met. It is no surprise to us that he came back as a very vocal bird. He had so many thoughts in his head, and it was not until he got his AAC, Sam, that he could begin to get them all out. There was a certain energy that he brought into every space. I could feel it as soon as I walked into the house, whether he was was chatting with Sam, stretching his vocal chords, or just chilling. I miss that energy. My house, despite having 3 dogs, 1 cat and a hedgehog, is very quiet.

We are very eager to go to Virginia later this week. The cardinal is the state bird and I look forward to many Ravi sightings. I cherish the thought of him perching in Cindy’s tree, singing the song of his people. Fly free, Boo Bear, and sing to your heart’s content. Love you to the moon and back. Mom.

Out and About

Hello, #TeamRavi! It is beautiful spring weekend, and our friend has been seen in the form of a cardinal twice in the last two days. He is looking most perky and dapper. The first appearance was when I was driving up Summit Avenue. I looked over at the green space in the middle of the road and saw a cocky young male cardinal. I said, “Hi, Ravi!” and he turned his head and looked straight at me. No joke, I swear that the bird smiled at me. The second encounter was almost in the same place, going the other direction on Summit. I was walking two of our dogs. The bird came flying towards me, did a few acrobatics in the air, just to show off, and landed in a nearby tree, where he commenced to fluff out his feathers and preen. Obviously, he is feeling very good about himself. The red feathers made a stunning display against the backdrop of green leaves.

Things are up and down these days. I relish the sunshine and the warmer weather. I am waging a losing war on the bunnies who keep snacking on my flower beds. Robert has been up soaring lately, and his parachute just arrived. It came from the manufacturer with a bottle of nice wine, saying, “Hope this is the only thing you ever need to open!” With all luck, Robert will never have to open his chute, but it is always a good thing to have while soaring, particularly in competition. Weather permitting, he is hoping to go up again this week.

When I was out running the other day, I saw two beautiful dragon flies. These symbolize Jonathon, Alissa’s older brother, who is now hangout out with Ravi. It is a great week when I can see both tangible signs of both of these incredible young men. Death has not held them back. There is no more epilepsy and pain. Truly, they are flying free. Enjoy your weekend and remember those who paid the ultimate sacrifice this Memorial Day. You are all good humans, and I am proud to call you my friends. Peace in this crazy world. Harriet, Ravi’s mom.

Six Months

My darling Boo Bear, it has been six months since you left us. Today is Friday, April 11. You left us on Friday, October 11. I go back in forth in my mind, was that the worst day of my life, or was the worst day of my life the day of your funeral? Maybe it is a tie. Your daddy and I will live with the memories of those two days forever.

I visit you every Sunday at church, but I know you spirit resides out in the wide world. You have started coming to me in dreams, and it is such a blessing! Friends from all over the country are texting me to tell me that they say you as a cardinal, or a beautiful monarch butterfly. Yesterday, I was walking at the nature preserve with a friend. A beautiful male cardinal flew out in front of us. He seemed very happy to be bopping about, taking little flights from tree to tree. This is the first cardinal I have seen since you passed, though others have seen them often. It was so good to see you!

Today is a tough day, but I am glad you are flying free, in a space where there is no pain or fear, cancer or epilepsy. Your soul has left your body. All that is left is memories, and sightings of cardinals and monarch butterflies. That will have to be enough.

I have submitted my book, Not Your Ordinary Autism Book, to Abbey, in hopes that she can find us a publishing company. She says this is her busy season, but she will keep in touch. I want your story to go out to the world, not just locked in the memories of those who loved you.

I have not been running at all since you passed. Your father and I have walked hundreds of miles; walking, meditating, looking at the sky for signs of you, grieving. I think I will go for a run either today or tomorrow. It may not be pretty but is has been such an essential part of my life since I was 13, that I think I should try it again. Even if it is only a mile or two or running/walking, that would be okay. I feel that I need to do this for you.

Today is a dark, overcast day, but the sun is predicted to come out later. I am going for a walk with a friend early this afternoon. We will look for signs of you. After that, I will try a brief run. Your daddy will be out at the glider field tomorrow, polishing the gliders and getting ready for the soaring season. This makes him happy, and me happy.

I don’t really know where this blog is going, Ravi, but know that I love you deeply and fiercely. I miss you more than words can express. Fly free, my love, and I will look for you in the cardinals and the butterflies.